Speak Up

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth on a fairly regular basis. I seem to blurt out all sorts of uncensored thoughts and opinions and then wonder "Was that my out loud voice? Oh, shit." It's like there is no pause switch between my brain and my mouth. I think it - therefore it automatically comes out. This is not always a good thing as you can imagine. Afterwards, I can sit and list dozens of ways I could have handled people and situations better and perhaps not been quite so fancy and free with the comments, ya know?

In some situations though, this has served me well. Sometimes, just opening your mouth and letting it fly can be very good for your sanity. And for your hostility towards an ex-husband. Just saying. I am regularly the one who says what everyone else in the room is thinking but too afraid to say. I figure if we are all thinking it, why not just get it out in the open? For the most part, you can see the relief in people's eyes that someone actually brought it up. Others roll their eyes and think "Here we go again," I am sure. Whatever. I am also the one who will acknowledge the elephant in the room that others are tip-toeing around. I've never seen the point in that. We all know it's there, do we not?

When I have too much time to think of what I want to say, I can obsess and stress myself right into speechlessness or anxiety attacks. Or I can censor myself from saying the things I really want to say. Things I really need to say. Repressed comments or opinions get bottled up and cause a lot of stress and resentment, which generally leads to a major explosion at some unrelated point down the road. Which causes the other people involved to look at you like you are a crazy person, when you know damn well you do so have a valid reason to be angry.

I have passed this trait down to my son. In fact, he may have gotten the point just a little too well, as that boy has never filtered one single thought coming out of his head. Ever. However, you will always know exactly where you stand with him and what he thinks about any given situation or person. He does not let others intimidate him - except for the occasional beautiful girl, which has been known to make him stutter and lose the power of speech altogether. Coupled with his excellent sense of humour, he is generally the life of any party and always guaranteed for some laughs. I love this about him.

My daughter, on the other hand, has not learned this skill yet. Except when it comes to arguing with her mother - then she has no problem letting me have it. ( A whole other issue for another day and post. ) This girl will generally let people walk all over her. I believe she feels like it's not worth it to argue most of the time and does not want to engage in confrontation where, God forbid, someone's feelings might get hurt. The horror!! I worry about her standing up for herself out in the world next year and letting others be aware that she has wants and needs as well.

If we could combine a little of my daughter's sensitivity with my son's exuberance, and temper it with a little of my well earned wisdom - we might actually end up with one person who manages to act appropriately and speak thoughtfully in any given situation.

And keep their foot out of their mouth.