Not The Post I Had Intended To Write

I thought I would be writing here today all about kid 2's grad, and what a fabulous day it was, the awards and scholarships she won, how beautiful and handsome they all looked, how the ex husband and I got along, and all the other details that made it the glorious day of celebrating that it indeed was. And I will write about that, when I am able to do so without crying and having my heart break into a million more little pieces.

Today, instead I am going to write about Clark. He's been one of Kid 2's best friends since Grade 5. He's a funny, kind, athletic, really good kid and he has always been one of my favorites. Every time I saw him, he would make me smile. He's very tall and just one of those gentle giants. He worked really hard to graduate with the rest of the kids, and in fact only found out the day before grad that he had actually made it. At the dinner, he and one other boy got up and gave a toast to all the graduating girls. One of the other boys had backed out and Clark stepped up at the last minute to fill in. They fumbled their way through their speech and had some good stories and kind hearted jabs to share about these girls that they have known since childhood. It was a great tribute and to see how they looked out for and cared about the girls was amazing.

I saw him at the Safe Grad party and spent some time talking to him. The kids were having a blast and I was supposed to be supervising, but it was more like a chance to hang out with them and share in their celebration.I saw him eating pizza, talking to all his friends, flirting with the girls, hugging everyone, and just having a great time. Clark hadn't been sure what he wanted to do, as school was definitely not his favorite thing. Today was to have been his first day on the job as an electrician's apprentice and he was so excited about the new path he was heading down.

The night after grad, some of the boys were up at the lake continuing the celebration. In our town, you can walk down from the lake through the golf course back to town. Yes, they were drinking but were responsible enough not to be driving. Sometimes that's not enough, no matter how much we pound not drinking and drinking into their heads. Sometimes freak accident just happen and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Sometimes, you wonder what God is thinking and what possible reason He could have for the plans He has for all of us.

Because Clark slipped and fell on the rocks by the bridge. Another boy also slipped and fell into the water, twice. He is okay. But Clark slipped and fell and hit his head on the rocks.

And he died instantly.

The boys that were with him tried to wake him up. They tried to give him CPR. They tried their absolute best to save him. They called 911. They went to the hospital and fought with the nurses and the police and said they were not leaving without their friend. These young men - these freshly graduated boys - lost one of their best buds. The day after graduation.

Kid 2 woke me up at 4:30 in the morning, screaming and sobbing at me to get out of bed. The word had spread, and everyone knew Clark was gone. It has been almost unbearable to watch the shock and grief on the faces of these kids, watch them be stone silent, cry hysterically, ask why over and over again. They have visited Clark's Mom, shared their stories and memories with her, spent time with her, and yesterday she had them all over to visit with the minister. They have talked to the parents who happen to be social workers or psych nurses, talked to their guidance counsellor, their principal, their pastors, their parents, and most of all each other. This group of about 20 or so kids have not been apart from each other for more than a few hours at most since last Thursday night. They've huddled together on couches and watched movies, had bonfires, sleepovers where all 20 of them curled up together in one big pack, tried to get each other to eat or to talk or to sleep.

Clark's Mom has had them all over at her house several times. She invited them all into his room and asked them each to take something meaningful to them. My daughter has his ball cap and his wallet. One of the kids took his baseball shorts and last night he hit a home run while wearing them. One of them is wearing his favorite hoody. The kids all got together and blew up and mounted one of their group grad pictures for her, and they all signed it. They have bought a notebook and between them all are filling it with stories and their best memories of Clark - to give to his mom. She has asked them all to be honorary pallbearers and to sit with the family at the funeral. They are all speaking at the funeral as well - sharing their stories, reading scripture, etc. Today they are all gathered together planning what they will say.

These kids, the bright fresh young faces of the Class of 2009, who just days ago were celebrating and at the height of joy, have been plunged into the greatest sorrow many of them have ever known. Their memories of their Graduation will always include this - that Clark died the day after they had the party of a lifetime. A Facebook tribute page went up immediately and last time I checked there were almost 500 members. The tributes the kids have written are heartbreaking and have made me cry like a baby when I read them.

As a parent, I can't even begin to comprehend this loss. I feel sick to my stomach and continue to ask God what possible reason He could have for doing this. As a kid, how do you process this? Yes, they are supposed to grow up and become adults after graduation, but this? This seems like asking far too much of them.

And so on Wednesday, exactly one week after they graduated with the highest hopes and brightest dreams, they will gather again to mourn the loss of one of their shining stars. I don't know how they will get through it. I suspect they will each hold the other up and come through it together as the tight knit group they are. I don't know how I will get through it. The pain on their faces and the questions in their eyes, the sorrow and the tears they will shed are enough to make any parent question the wisdom of God. It's agonizing and unbearable to see them try to figure this out and make some kind of sense out of it. If I can't, as an adult, how on earth should they be expected to?

They have had to grow up suddenly and in the harshest way possible. For that I am deeply sad.

For Clark, my wish is that you are in heaven, making all the angels laugh. Watch out over these friends of yours, for they will never forget you or the memories you shared, and they will need your kindness and caring, and your oh so funny sense of humour, in the days and years to come.

Your time here was entirely too short and you will be greatly missed. Thank you for the many days you spent making my daughter laugh. She say the lesson she learned from you was to always, always laugh, and to take life one day at a time. Your most common saying was "Whatever" and that was pretty much your philosophy on life. Take it as it comes and whatever happens, happens.

This is what the boys did at their first baseball game without Clark.

Here's to the Class of 2009. And to one of their finest young men.